What Happened To Friends Forever?

Have you ever lost a friendship you cherished? Ever known someone like the back of your palm one day and then the next they seemed like total strangers? 

Losing a friend is very upsetting.

Personally, I have never experienced a heartbreak from a romantic partner, but I'm pretty sure losing a friend cuts deeper.

"Anyone who's ever dealt with a friend breakup knows that variety can be just as tough to weather. When after months, years, even decades of being someone's confidante , something cataclysmic or, even worse, hugely insignificant drives you apart, the feelings of heartbreak are certainly real" says Mary Grace Garis from her article- 4 Tips to Heal From Friend Breakups That Feel Just As Heart-Wrenching As Romantic Splits'.

Friendship is a gift. Having someone to share laughs and tears with is absolutely beautiful. A friend will draw circles on your back while you cry and make you laugh till you are gasping for air.

However, they leave sometimes, and do so pretty badly.

It doesn’t matter if a friend has been a constant presence for decades, or only a few weeks—different factors can come into play and bring that once upon a time electrifying connection to an end.

Sometimes, it could be that your ideologies on life became completely different, or they became toxic and you simply couldn't endure their negativity anymore. Whatever the reasons might be, or have been, ending a friendship, especially one you held in high esteem is never easy. However, how do you handle it? What do you do?

1. Cry:

Really? Cry? Yes Charlie, cry. Okay, it might not be literal tears, but express how you feel. 

Acknowledge your pain. It is very valid. Don't try to suppress or deny it. How would you heal properly if you didn't know you were wounded? Be honest with your feelings and grieve the loss.

“Definitely get the ice cream!” says Danielle Bayard Jackson, a friendship coach . “I think some of us try to be tough, and it feels a little juvenile — maybe a little vulnerable — to say ‘My feelings are hurt and I am sad over a friendship’. Feel the feelings the same way you would grieve over a romantic breakup.”

'Feel the feelings'. Couldn't have put it better.

2. Talk to someone:

This isn't always easy, especially if you're not the 'talk about your feelings' kind of person. Trust me though, it's very therapeutic and highly recommended. Talking about it will help you come to terms with the reality of what has happened.

Be it with friends, family, or a therapist, it's imperative to talk it out. Dena Dinardo , marriage and family expert puts it better "Whether it's with other friends, your family, or your therapist, it's important to talk it out to understand how you feel, what went wrong, what each person's responsibility was to the ending, and to receive honest feedback from people who know you well and truly care about you”.

3. Get closure:

Sometimes you're left wondering what really happened. You can't seem to wrap your head around everything. You ask yourself questions like- 'How did this happen? Why and how did something so sweet turn sour?' It could give you a headache just thinking about it. Instead of going through this cycle of questions over and over again, try engaging a conversation with former said friend. Ask those questions and get closure. Understanding why and how the friendship ended will enable you move forward.

4. Recognize the role you might have played:

It's easy to dump all of the blame on someone else. It's even easier to absolve ourselves of any blame at all. 

However, friendship isn't a one-man party, it takes two to tango and in cases of misunderstandings or splits, there's usually two sides to the story. Be honest with yourself about the situation. A wise man once said "You can lie to the entire world but you can't lie to yourself"

A breakup is rarely ever just one person's fault.

Recognizing the role you might have played in the friendship split will help you learn better, especially in subsequent  and other friendships.

5. Move on

This is probably the hardest point on the list, but sometimes you're left with no other option than to actually move on. Don't do this with bitterness or grudges, do it knowing that not all friendships are forever.  Appreciate the memories shared. It is a part of your life story.

It might seem like your heart is about to jump out of your chest right now and you might feel sad, alone and anxious, but these feelings won't last forever. You can get through this phase.

Goop says-"Either way, we’re grieving a part of us we think we can’t be without. But truthfully, this is not the case: We will continue to love and thrive even in the absence of this person who may well have left an indelible mark. It may take time, but inevitably, you will grow to see that no one in the world has the power to define you (other than yourself). You are dynamic, strong, and divine—even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment"